I’ll hold your hand
when your family’s not here,
to comfort your death during
this quarantine my dear.
I know you don’t understand
what this lock-down has done,
you’re simply confused and scared
my sweet demented one.
But one visitor a day
is all that’s allowed,
and sadly you’ll get none
for the fear that surrounds.
So lay down your head
and close those tired eyes,
I’ll stay here with you
til your final goodbye.
I don’t hate you…
I don’t think I could
even if I wanted to.
I just hate
all the damn hurt
that I put
you through…
And I blame
myself for everything
you probably wish
we could undo.
My heart
and head were
at a constant war
and it was anything
but civil…
Just a moral confusion
battlefield
with me
wandering lost
in the middle.
Patchouli,
sandalwood,
musk and
cigarette smoke.
Seemingly
simple scents…
That transport me
right back into
my memories
with you.
In an instant
two souls can
let go of each other…
Because even the
strongest bonds
can snap like
a rope holding
too much weight.
I want to
put it on paper
and write it
all out,
Because nothing
sounds right
when it comes
from my mouth.
Let the undertow
take me,
sweeping away
my sins…
Let the waves
crash around me,
smothering from
within…
Let me fill
up my lungs,
as I come
up for air…
Let me know
I’ll survive,
as long as
you are there.
I want it back…
But I can’t ask
for it back.
So I’ll buy
a replacement…
And I’ll hope
and pray it feels
the same way
it felt when
I was with you.
These pages
I write are
more than what
you see…
Because I am
a keeper of
my dreams,
and a hoarder
of my memories.
My secrets
made me feel temporarily invincible.
My lies
made me feel permanently suffocated.
My honesty
made me feel breathtakingly free.
Now here I am.
Simply me.
