Truth #11

I spent three weeks last year looking like a zombie.

So… over the last few years I regrettingly got into this binge-purge cycle. Sometimes it was daily and sometimes I’d go months without doing it. I never did it to lose weight, but to be able to eat things I missed and somehow maintain my weight. I was basically completely fucking desperate not to gain weight, but still had moments of eating compulsion which I would instantly regret, fixate on, and get it out.

So, last year I ended up gagging myself so hard that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. The ENTIRE white of my eye was blood red and I looked like a fucking zombie. I told everyone it was from weightlifting, but in reality I had done it to myself. It was horrifying to see what I was doing was actually causing injury. It was also horrifying having to spend three weeks scaring people (and myself honestly) shitless just by making eye contact.

However horrible that situation was, my fucked up zombie eye instantly cured my desire to ever ‘purge it out’ again. I love my eyes and the thought of not being able to show them off scared me straight.

P.S. Don’t wear sunglasses in Walmart… You’re going to look super fucking shady and you will bump into practically everything… 🙂