So, here you are again. Reading my writing and personal thoughts. Now that I somehow turned you onto this… I’ll start from the beginning.
It’s a bit depressing, growing up fat. Well… obese. There. Fucking said it. I had always been the fat kid. Never the first picked for anything. Always the odd one out. Self-conscious and hating every bit of myself. Bullying and my anxiety/depression gave me reasons to eat my feelings. But, you don’t want to hear this sob story and honestly… I don’t necessarily want to explain it. So long story short, by the time I was eighteen I weighed a shit -load (280 lbs of shit).
I remember realizing one day, looking in my mirror, staring at my rolls, that I was much fatter than I thought I was. I was disgusted with what I had become and slowly decided to change my fucked up habits. Eventually, those new less fucked up habits led to the scale dropping. Fast forward a couple years >> 140 lbs of shit lost. Yup. I am literally now half of what I was.
You’re reading this and probably thinking the same bullshit as everyone else. It usually goes like this… “Wow. You’re an inspiration.” OR “I can’t imagine you ever being that big.” OR “You look so beautiful now.” You know what though? I’m sitting here… another night… listening to these crickets outside… thinking to myself… thinking about you reading these words. I want you to know that there’s more than meets the eye.
Yes. I am more confident (even with this loose skin that is a daily reminder of the fucked up position I put my body in). I do get noticed by horny fuckers now. I do get told I’m beautiful by someone on a daily basis. However, I am not perfect. I have secrets. You will learn these secrets. You will be sitting behind you’re computer screen, drinking your coffee, pushing your glasses farther up your nose to find out these secrets. And… I will let you.